My Fair Phantom?
by Elizabeth Martin
Summary: First parody-it ends up not really being a parody at all, just a bunch of craziness! (not that no one enjoys that, right?) It starts out trying to be My Fair Lady, just for some info.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This is my first parody.I think it shall be great fun! I'm Lizzie by the way.Also, I don't own any of it, no one told me to do it, I'm not doing it for any money, and everyone should bow down to the owners of the respective music and characters, etc. etc.  
  
Lizzie: (looking at two cast lists) OoOoO Christine's Liza, and uh, Andre's the Colonel guy, and Erik's Prof. Higgins, I guess.And umm, well Madame Giry's the housekeeper, and who to play that fop Freddy Einsford- Hill [No offense meant to Jeremy Brett.he's the coolest!] OOOO! OOO! RAOUL! He's a fop! They're both fops! (stands up and claps hands) Aaaaaaaaaaanyways.moving on.the servants can be all sorts of other people. I'll figure it out later. (Lizzie takes out her magic wand and taps it three times over her libretto. Suddenly..EVERYONE APPEARS!)  
  
Erik: (Looks at Lizzie) WHY CAN'T YOU DAMN PHANS LEAVE ME ALONE??  
  
Lizzie: 'Cuz we love you! (she runs over and gives him a hug)  
  
Raoul: (whimpering) What about me? No one ever loves me.  
  
Lizzie: Now, now, we only don't like you because it goes against everything in our hearts, souls, and genetic make-up. It's not really anything personal. (Turns around and laughs uproariously).  
  
Raoul: (grinning) Oh, ok! (He starts poking around the room. He looks at the piano in the corner and starts playing horribly) Guess who I am!  
  
All: (covering their ears) STOP IT! (Raoul sneaks quietly into a corner).  
  
Lizzie: All right everyone. I've gathered you all here to do a little production called My Fair Lady. Fun, right?  
  
All: (Grumbles all around)  
  
Lizzie: What was that? (About to pull the trigger on a giant water gun)  
  
All: Fun!  
  
Raoul: Yay!  
  
Erik: Shut up you stupid boy!  
  
Lizzie: Yeah, you're a doofus.  
  
Christine: Doofus? What's that?  
  
Lizzie: Never mind..(waves her wand and everyone appears in costume. Also, everyone knows their lines). Now, since I magically transplanted every line of this play into your head, we should be ready to go!  
  
(Lights magically dim and play starts)  
  
Christine: Wait a minute, do I have to be dressed like this the whole play? I look icky.  
  
Raoul: (coming onstage) I look pretty swell don't I?  
  
Lizzie: Duh, you doofus, you're a fop. It was typecasting.  
  
Raoul: Uh, alright. I don't have to dress like her do I? (points to Christine) Christine: (rolls eyes)  
  
Lizzie: (squirts Raoul with water gun) NO! Now get where you're supposed to be before I squirt you again!  
  
(Raoul goes offstage whimpering and dripping. Everyone is afraid of the water gun, and run to their places)  
  
(Christine comes on asking people to buy her flowers. Raoul comes and knocks her over, and when Christine calls him dearie, he gasps)  
  
Raoul: She called me dearie! Christine, I knew you loved me! (He flings himself at her feet)  
  
Erik: (comes out from behind column) I quit! He's already messed up the play twice and I haven't gotten to say anything!  
  
(Christine is trying in vain to pull Raoul off of her legs, but he won't budge. Meg comes over and they both work on un-attaching Raoul.)  
  
Lizzie: All right, all right! You guys just aren't cut out for My Fair Lady, are you?  
  
(Everyone nods their heads. Everyone except Raoul that is, who is currently being pried off Christine's legs with a crowbar. Lizzie takes out her water gun and squirts him. He comes off).  
  
Christine: Thanks. I think the circulation may have been cut off in my legs.  
  
Erik: I could check for you.  
  
Christine: Ok.  
  
(They go offstage, and everyone soon hears kissing sounds)  
  
Andre: (shudders) Gross!  
  
Lizzie: (sighing) It's how it's meant to be. 


	2. Charades

Raoul: *marches up to Lizzie* All right! I have had just about enough of this! Why is it he (dramatic point backstage to origin of kissing sounds) always get Christine in these dumb phan phictions! I know you've read the book and seen the play, and even seen the movie! Who always gets Christine? MANY FORMS OF ME!!! (Lizzie pulls out the squirt gun and squirts him)  
  
Lizzie: Whoa boy, calm down. Remember this is my phic, *smiles evilly* and I can do whatever I want to you! *Raoul is suddenly turned into a large platypus, then quickly turns back. He then runs away* Well, considering Eliza and Professor Higgins are offstage making out, and Freddy Einsford- Hill is, er, somewhere, we can't do the show.  
  
All: HURRAY! (confetti has suddenly appeared, along with party hats and streamers)  
  
Lizzie: HEY! *everyone quiets down* Of course, since I have you all heeeeeeeeerrrrreeeeeee and all, this opportunity is just too good to waste! Now everyone, sit down while I think. *Everyone sits down and Christine, Erik, and Raoul come back* I KNOW! Let's play charades!  
  
Erik: Charades?  
  
Lizzie: Yes! Wahoo! *a hat suddenly appears with a lot of papers inside* Here's the deal. Since I don't feel like explaining all this to you, we're going to play the kid's version. You're going to draw a piece of paper out of the hat, and act out whatever's on the paper without talking. We're going to be on teams, and the team that guesses the most correctly wins! *everyone is separated into teams*  
  
Raoul: So we draw a paper out of that hat  
  
Lizzie: Uh huh.  
  
Raoul: Then we act out what's on the paper  
  
Lizzie: Yup.  
  
Raoul: But we can't talk  
  
Lizzie: Yup.  
  
Raoul: I don't get it.  
  
Erik: You're a moron. Go on the other team.  
  
Raoul: Okay. *Raoul trades with Meg*  
  
Lizzie: *counts people on each team* Sorry Raoul, you have to hold the hat. There are too many people on that team.  
  
Raoul: But I want to play!  
  
Lizzie: Platypus....  
  
Raoul: Ok! I love holding hats! *Erik starts. He picks cow*  
  
Erik: I refuse to act like a cow in front of all these people!  
  
Lizzie: *Hits herself on the head and stands up* You just gave it away! Well, the only other thing we can do with this many people is...uh...  
  
Christine: I know! Let's put on a talent show! Raoul: Talent show? Do people do impersonations at talent shows?  
  
Erik: *rolls eyes and squirts Raoul with Lizzie's squirt gun* 


End file.
